The Room

As I have mentioned in prior posts, Bill lived in an unattached room behind my grandmothers house. The room was attached to the garage, had a full bath and was plenty of room for one person to live in comfortably.

For many years I was never allowed in “the room”. Every evening I would get a treat of a candy bar and/or soda from Bill who I called Daddy Bill. I would  run out the back door to the room and knock on the door. Bill would answer the door by only opening it a crack and would hand me my treat. I remember asking him all time if I could come in and he would say no and tell me maybe some other time. He never let my grandmothers in and I know they had no idea what was behind that door or they would have never let me go in when he finally allowed me inside.

Bill would take me everywhere with him. He never received any mail at the house so we would go to his post office box everyday. He would always get these magazines that were in brown paper wrap. I remember asking him what they were and he would just tell me they were important magazines for adults. After the post office we would go to the liquor store so he could pick up his Coors and I got to pick out my treats from the candy section. From there we might go pick up an ice cream or go to the park to feed the ducks. Occasionally on the weekends Bill would go to these photo shoots that were held at the fair grounds. I remember my great-grandmother saying that he was going to go take pictures of naked women. At my young age I didn’t really know what that meant or how to respond to that. I was so modest as a young girl that I couldn’t imagine why women would want to let strangers take pictures of them. Bill was always taking pictures and home movies wherever we went.

So time passed and as always I went out to the room to get my treat. I asked if I could come in and see the room. I was shocked when he said that I could and he opened the door wide for me to come in. I was so stunned that I just stood there for a moment looking at the door with Bill holding it open with a smile on his face. I remember the first thing I noticed was the smell. It had that smell of a place that was closed up all of the time, a place that never got fresh air. The room was very dim and full of all kinds of stuff. Full of junk that he would buy at thrift stores to the point of what we would classify today as a horder. I remember there being a refrigerator to the right just inside the door with a stove next to it. Just inside the door was a bed, beyond that I remember seeing a picture of him in his Army uniform on the wall directly across from the door. There was a trail to get to the bathroom, TV and the recliner that he sat in. There wasn’t any open floor space to be seen. Once my eyes better adjusted to the dim  lighting from the bright sun outside I really began to look around. I realized that there was also no open wall space because it was completely covered with pornography. Everywhere I looked there were centerfolds on the walls. I remember the feeling of embarrassment washing over me, the feeling of my face getting hot and blushing. I looked away pretending that I hadn’t seen it and trying to process it all.

Bill had finally brought me into the lion’s den. I was in a place that no one else was ever allowed into and no one would ever come to check on me. After all, I was with Daddy Bill and he was a great guy that was like a father to me and he would never hurt a child.

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~ by Isis on June 9, 2011.

One Response to “The Room”

  1. I don’t know how to descrive your writing. Anything pleasant doesn’t seem fit. It’s very honest, and emotional.
    I hope it makes you feel better.

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